I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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