Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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