god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
