I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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