I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
