i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
