just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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