When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
