You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
