I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
