I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
