idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
