he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
