I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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