pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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