Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
