Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
