She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
