we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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