Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
