I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
