he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
