Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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