can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
