I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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