Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
