I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
