Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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