grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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