ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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