what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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