I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone shit on the floor
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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