Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
