I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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