You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
