he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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