when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
