I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
