Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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