I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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