I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
