I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I deserve this hangover.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
