I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you just see the Batmobile???
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
