gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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