I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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