I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
