He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
