brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
