My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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