I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
