dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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