the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
