At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
