I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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