It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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