It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
