i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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