He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
