UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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