this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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