Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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