It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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