marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
