so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just cropdusted the office
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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