I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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