I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's always time for handjobs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
