He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
