Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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