At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
