yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
two words...techno handjob
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
