Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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