So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
