My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you win again, gameday.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
