y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
