Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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