she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
