I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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