so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
